750 Words is Not Enough

Okay, it's down to serious business guys. My first real evaluation of coffee.

Took long enough.

So before I start I have to set up a few things, make my criteria clear on what is good coffee, because some guy named Graff said it was a good idea.

Now, I've had coffee from a few (i.e. a lot) of different places but I'm only going to go into three: Dunkin' Donuts, Starbucks, and Gloria Jean's. Three of the big guns in coffee corporations today.

I will be grading them on:

1)      Variety in selection

2)      Quality of the coffee (meaning taste, texture, color, that sort of thing)

3)      The ambiance of the shop

4)      And the last, prices

Now, I’m taking the whole place into consideration, but these are the four main things that I can easily explain away.

First and foremost, is the review of the worst coffee shop.

#3 Dunkin’ Donuts

Now don’t get all mad at me, this should have been obvious. I chose this one purposefully as my base line. I mean, Dunkin’ isn’t even a real coffee shop; it’s more of a donut place.

But here we go:

1)     Dunkin’ has by far the smallest collection of caffeinated beverages; their mass popularity is more for convenience sake than anything else. Just as advertised its specifically designed for those on the go, so their selection is limited to the stuff they can quickly and easily make.

2)      Over all its pretty poor. I mean there’s plenty of caffeine, but no flavor to go along with it, unless you count the packages of sugar that is readily stacked in the Do-it –yourself corner. But isn’t that okay? I mean their coffee is more for the hard ol’ boys n’ girls who get up at five AM and can’t really taste the stuff anyway.

3)      I have to give them this though; they can design a pretty decent sit down area. Most of the shops I’ve went to have plenty of room to lounge and the whole ambiance of the place is more comfortable to me than an actual coffee shop because it seems way more laid back. There are no frills and fancy paint, and it doesn’t make me feel like I have to get all gussied up to drink my drug of choice. They lose points for not having cushions on all their chairs though.  Sitting on hard plastic for longer than a few minutes can get pretty uncomfortable.

4)      This last one is a very “get what you pay for” place. Stuffs pretty cheap, but the quality to go along with the price kinda takes away my excitement.

#2 Starbucks

The current coffee shop king. I suppose their popular for a reason.

1)     The variety is quite large, and any coffee specialist could find something that they enjoy from their extensive menu.

2)       I know that the coffee quality can vary from store to store, but over all there seems to be at the very least consistently decent coffee from any of the shops I’ve been to. With the notable exception of the new barista who burnt a large amount of coffee and was quickly admonished. But that sort of thing could happen anywhere.

3)      This area is the fall out of Starbucks for me; it’s ultimately why I have them in second place. The ambiance is terrible. Well, it might not be so bad if you’re full of yourself and have a tendency to try to look important by showing anyone who will look the screen play you happen to be working on right now.

4)      They’re pretty expensive. I mean it’s not too much that no one should go (or no one would), and if you just get plain, unadorned coffee it’s not bad.

#1 Gloria Jean’s

1)      These guys have just as much, if not more, different drinks than Starbucks. And on top of that their frozen coffee has way more options.

2)      I’ve seriously never had a bad cup of coffee from this place. I’ve had stuff that wasn’t exactly to my tastes, but even with that I still had to admit that it was a damn well made cup.

3)      Their décor is a mix between Dunkin’ and Starbucks, and is pretty good overall. I don’t feel the snobbery that you get from Starbucks and the seats have cushions on them.

4)      The price range is on the high side, but it’s in the same ballpark as Starbucks. And with the better coffee and atmosphere that brings Gloria Jean’s into the spotlight of my review.

Now I know that the winner’s description is shorter than the losers, and that’s because I feel worse badmouthing than I do good about praising, so I try to justify my losing scores than I do support the winner. ‘Cause I mean really, they’ve all ready won.